I always knew that I would have kids and that was a non-negotiable area of my life. But somehow that was pushed to the back of my priority list and my career and having fun took the front and center. What I didn’t think about were the many pros and cons of having a baby after 40.
That’s what you get when you live your life on “autopilot.”
I also thought that I had plenty of time and that age wasn’t an issue, if I only would have listened to my Mom (or not, keep reading).
My non cognitive thinking that led me down my ignorance path was significantly influenced by what I heard and read in the news about celebrities having kids in their 40’s.
So when I did make the decision to have kids in my late 30’s it didn’t happen.
What? I couldn’t believe it! All these years trying not to get pregnant and now when I was super ready it wasn’t happening.
Long story short…………… after a lot of time, research, help and a lot of money I was pregnant with twin boys.
Just for the “record” having my boys at 45 was the best decision I ever made, because if I didn’t they wouldn’t be in my life or part of this amazing world we live in.
We all have mothering benefits and challenges at all ages some more significant than others. I’m going to share what I’ve experienced thus far as a Midlife Mama. Which I define as women who are older than the average mom with kids the same age.
If you’re thinking about having a child later in life here are some of the pros and cons of having a baby after 40 that I’ve experienced.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Pros of Being a Mid-Life Mama
Here are some of the benefits that I’ve acquired throughout my journey. I hope they help other “on the fence” yet to be Midlife Mamas as well as current Midlife Mamas who may be in need of some inspiration while living through the “challenging” times.
Less Selfish
I definitely feel that I’m less selfish now than I would have been earlier in my career. Back then it was all about me and climbing that career ladder. When I wasn’t working it was about relieving my work stress through “partying” and purchasing.
Would this selfishness curve have lowered at a younger age if I’d had kids back then? I’ll never know, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
More Patience
My kids may tell you a different story, but with age definitely comes a lot of practice at being patient with difficult people of all ages. I don’t think anyone can argue that or the fact that parenting takes A LOT of patience.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Wisdom
My husband may tell you a different story (just kidding), but as with patience wisdom also comes with age.
One of my favorite sayings is “I wish I knew now what I thought new then.” I thought I was so smart when I was younger, but now I have the wisdom to know I don’t have all the answers. Now I’m more open to different ways of thinking and doing things.
Health
Yes, I meant to say health. Health is one of the few pros and cons of having a baby after 40.
I’m sure some people would think that’s a con but in my case it’s both.
With twin boys I’m sure you can imagine that it takes a lot of physical energy to raise them. So I’ve really had to “double down on my health, not only for energy, but also for longevity.
I need to to do everything I can to stack conditions in my favor so I can be around for as long as I possibly can.
Since I had my kids I’ve lost and kept off 15 lbs in the last year, reduced my pant size by half and have way more energy due to exercise and a change in my diet with a laser focus on nutrition and exercise.
Mortality
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
As we get older we get a better sense of our mortality. When we’re younger we feel that we’re invincible. Knowing and feeling this makes me want to live as healthy of a life that I can.
I also manage my time better because I don’t want to waste any of it.
My goal is to become a healthy, happy self sufficient centenarian.
Spirituality
I was not brought up in a religious home but having my twins in my mid forties has made me believe in a higher power. I witness it all around me through my kids and nature every day.
Life is more wondrous when you don’t take everything for granted. Appreciate that everything including you and your family were put on the planet for a reason.
There’s a plan for all of us and it’s our job to figure out what it is and live it.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Legacy
I have always wanted to leave the world a better place. Straight out of college I wanted to make the world a better place by cleaning up the environment. As time went by I was doing my little part but had gone for the money. This resulted in having jobs that were not aligned with my passions.
Now as a mom I am “fired up” to leave a big fat, bold, “I was here and I helped people and the world” mark in the world. I want my kids to see at an early age that this is the way to go through life. Consistently, with purpose and being “fired up” about the life they’re living.
Of course your children and who they become are also the greatest legacy you will leave behind.
What mark do you want to leave on the world?
Challenges of Being a Mid-Life Mama
Of course it’s not all sunshine and roses. There are both pros and cons of having a baby at 40 and beyond.
Here of some of the cons that I’ve run into and how I’m overcoming them or plan to overcome them.
Oh so many challenges where to begin? How about the Big Mama of them all?
Energy
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Having Enough Energy is definitely my numero uno challenge. The great part of this challenge is it that I’ve learned strategies to overcome low energy levels.
No one has all the energy they need all of the time. But here are some PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
My number 1 strategy for increasing my energy levels is…………………….
Drum roll please………………Sleep.
Sleep
Getting enough sleep is the key to having enough energy throughout the day.
According to sleepfoundation.org an adult should get 7-9 hours a night. There is however a lot more to getting a good night sleep than just the amount of time you spend in bed.
There are also many other things that you you can do to increase your energy levels. This includes drinking half of your body weight in ounces of water.
Check out these other sleep strategies.
- Stop using screens at least 1 hour before going to sleep.
- No caffeine after 12:00 pm.
- Keep your room as dark as possible.
- Use a topical magnesium spray right before bed.
Check out these to help your children get better sleep.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Less Patience
Do you think there’s a reason that the first syllable of the word patience is “pay?”
I personally have a certain amount of it in my “patience bank.” Every time I use some, it’s a withdrawal from my balance. When I hit $0.00 or a negative balance I detonate.
In order to not transform into a crazy lady (believe me I’ve had my moments). I have to walk away and walk away fast. If I’m being followed, I run, just kidding. But I do tune out and count to my magic number of 100 which refills my “bank.”
I’ve heard other older moms experience the total opposite. So I guess this falls under both the pros and cons of having a baby at 40.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Homework
If you’re in your 40’s and beyond and haven’t looked at kids math homework recently it’s changed. You’ll see that the way they teach math now is WAY different than how we learned.
Why on earth did they have to change the way you learn how to do simple math? Math is concrete no alternate facts, and it doesn’t seem any easier to me. What’s a midlife mama to do?
Show them how to do it the good old fashion way! Problem solved (pun intended)!
Technology
It’s everywhere. We all know that too much is bad for everyone especially our kids. But it keeps them so darn entertained that it makes it easier for me to get the things done that I need to do. It allows me to not be constantly barraged with “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do” cries of help.
When I was a kid my family and most of my friends didn’t have video games at home. We had to save up our quarters to play at the arcade or local pizza place (shout out to Ms. Pacman). Now they’re everywhere.
I’ve heard many different opinions and studies regarding putting a time limit on it. Most often I hear less than 3 hours a day which sounds like a lot of time to me.
If all they want to do is play and not ever want to go outside, do homework, play with friends (not online ones) or more disturbing they get significantly emotional resulting in yelling or crying then 0 hours seems acceptable to me.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Hormones
I hate to bring the M(enopause) word into it, but even if you’re not there yet you may be in Perimenopause. Perimenopause can start when you’re in your 30’s, but more commonly in your 40’s.
When this happens your body makes less estrogen. And this is one of the reasons why it’s harder to get pregnant when you get older.
Decreasing estrogen levels have numerous effects and impact women differently.
I am personally affected by mood swings and irritability. Add these emotions to the general stress of raising children and I can become a ticking time bomb. And it’s not pretty when I explode.
My number one solution to this problem is getting enough sleep. My number two solution is taking Estroven Mood and Memory (no affiliation). This Dietary Supplement containing calcium carbonate, black cohosh, soy isoflavones and no synthetic estrogen.
I’m not a Doctor, but I do play one on T.V. No, not really but you should always get medical advice from your doctor before taking any supplements or medications.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Old School Mindset
Things have changed a lot since I was a kid and being raised by my parents. Changed for the better is how I like to look at it. Because if the experts haven’t learned anything since then I’m giving back my B.S. degree.
This makes parenting especially challenging. Fortunately there’s a lot of help out there through books and courses both online and in person.
I try to overcome these challenges by listening to these old school mindset voices in my head such as ” my parents would never have let me get away with this when I was a kid.” Then I acknowledge them as old school thoughts and dismiss them.
Reading, listening to parenting podcasts and taking online courses is a large component in my “Mama toolbox.”
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Finding Other Older Midlife Mamas
The older my kids get the more Mom friends I make. They’re great people don’t get me wrong, but it’s so nice when you find other older moms raising younger kids who you have more in common with.
The best way I’ve found to find other older Moms is in Facebook Groups. These groups can get a little crowded, chaotic and difficult to make real connections. Unless someone is closely managing the group.
My solution? I started the Mid-life Mamas Facebook Group. Come join us and introduce yourself. Let’s share our wins, struggles and humor living the Mid-life Mama Life.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Pros and Cons of having a baby after 40
I can definitely add more to both of these lists. But these are the benefits and challenges that I am currently living and struggling with every day.
Do the challenges get easier as my kids get older? Of course not but they are definitely different as time goes on. Someone explained this to me when my boys were going through the “terrible twos.”
For me the benefits outweigh the challenges. But this is not the case for everyone.
If you’re thinking about becoming a mom in your forties please look at both the pros and cons of having a baby after 40 before you do. There’s a lot to think about.
Remember having the baby is only the first step there are 17 years that come after that. And then many milestones after that.
PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR GAINING MORE ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY
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