Watch out Mama’s gonna blow! You stay calm and motherly time after time when they don’t do what they’re supposed to do, when they repeat the same bad behavior over and over, then they give you that look like “you can’t tell me what to do,” and then BOOM! You lose it. What can you do not to lose it with your kids?
What’s a Mama To Do?
Don’t Let Yourself Get To Your Boiling Point
Walk Away
Just like we tell our kids. If someone’s bothering them, making them mad, or threatening threatening them, we tell them to remove themselves from the situation and let an adult know (if needed) before it escalates.
It’s not as easy for us to walk away, especially if you’re the only one home and you think you have no where to go. Just remember there’s always somewhere to go and if not make one.
The only place I can truly “hide” after I walk away is my bathroom. I never thought my bathroom would be my “fortress of solitude.” Super Man had one and so should every Super Mama.
Talk it Out With Yourself
Talking to yourself is no longer (never really was) a sign of being crazy. Even though you gotta be a little crazy to have kids or it’s the result of having them.
Talk yourself “off the ledge” and ask yourself, is it really them, or is it me? What led to this point? How has it gotten so out of control? Also ask yourself the big question, am I in the middle of a power struggle?
If you’re in the middle of a power struggle walk away and figure it out. You’re the one in charge don’t bring yourself down to their level.
Choose Your Battles
Is this disagreement (argument) going to result in a positive outcome or a negative one? If you feel like you’re going to lose it then chances are not in your favor of solving the problem.
If whatever is setting you off is truly important enough then try to calm yourself down and figure out the best way to communicate about it with your child at a later time.
Nobody likes to be yelled at any age. I know when my old boss would yell at me it did NOT motivate me to work harder or do better, it just made me want to quit at that very moment.
Determine What’s Fueling your Fire
Before you lose it with your kids determine if it’s truly them, or is it you?
Lack of Sleep
I know when I don’t get enough sleep my temper is shorter. If this happens to you then walk away and take a nap if possible. Also make sure you go to bed earlier that same evening.
According to an article in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, a lack of sleep intensifies anger and impairs adaption to frustrating circumstances. According to this research losing just a couple of hours of sleep a night can have this effect.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been more frustrated when confronting my kids about their negative behaviors.
Hormones
We’ve all got them and thank God, but when they’re “out of whack” watch out.
We all know that a lot of women get more emotional during “that time of the month.” Some also know that hormone imbalances happen when we go to the next stage of our lives (the big M) as well.
If you think this may play a part of your anger when you lose it with your kids, then go get some advice from either a health coach or doctor to help you find ways to get back in balance.
Stress
We live in a world where technology makes everything easier, but then most of us are more stressed than ever. When we’re stressed we have a tendency to take it out on the ones we love (just ask my husband).
If this is you then what can you do to reduce stress in your life, besides selling your kids and going on a trip around the world.
Getting more sleep, finding the time to take care of yourself, having more sex, meditating and anything else that relaxes you are some great things you can do do reduce stress.
Nobody’s Perfect
It happens to the best of us, so don’t beat yourself up about it if it happens. All you can do is try to do better next time and your’re already working towards it if your reading this.
Being present in the moment by thinking about the situation right now, not what happened to set you you off (that’s in the past) is the key to not losing it with your kids.
Remember:
- Don’t let yourself get to your boiling point
- Walk away
- Talk it out with yourself
- Choose your battles
- Make sure you get enough sleep
- Hormones can play a key role in how you are feeling
- Reduce stress
- Avoid power struggles
- It’s O.K. you’ll keep trying to do better
Note: Please leave any tips you may have to not lose it with your kids in the comments below.
Great ideas. I always use the will it matter in a year or 5 years before I decide it is worth getting upset over. So many things just aren’t as important as we think they are in the moment. Especially when we risk alienating a teenager. Being a mom mid-life is tough, being a teen today is even harder. The great thing is we have flash tempers and if we can just remain objective we have the benefit of life experience to offset the crappy hormone issues!
So true. I really like you 5 year rule. So important to remember what’s important even if you are seeing red sometimes.
Such great advice! I also think kids are generally more sensitive now too with all the hype of ‘being offended’ all over the place, not to mention more impatient since we live in an ‘immediate’ world. I would take a walk, …..often, just like you suggest! Momdom is hard!! You’re doing great, Mama!!
Thanks for the words of encouragement, it’s definitely a much different world today than when we were growing up.
Wow, this was like a walk back through my “motherhood” past. I had to use many of these techniques to cool off when the kids were trying to torture me. I also had the “bathroom of solitude”, that made me laugh. Picking fights always worked well for me – even though it was kind of hard at the time – in retrospect it was the right way to go. Great article and advice for every mom out there!!
Don’t you miss it? lol
Great ideas! Stress, hormones, and sleep yes can totally relate! Luckily none of those effect me like they once did. Love your 5 year rule!